I’ve been MIA for a while now. Honestly, things have been crazy since my mud run in April. I’m not sure what happened. I was doing the Body Beast program and only had a few weeks left. I loved the muscles that I felt were coming in. I was gaining weight (which I wanted). I was trying to love lifting heavy but I missed my cardio sessions terribly. Once I ran the 5K in April I couldn’t get my focus back. I started eating badly, my workouts were getting sporadic, and my motivation was all over the place. I felt horrible about my self image and started putting myself down for wanting to build some muscles.
Things got crazier after my kids were on out of school for summer vacation. These last few months have been a struggle. Most times I start working out and lose motivation because of the constant feelings of having to do something else (either around the house, my job, or needing to spend time with the kids). My sleep patterns have been ALL over the place (my sleep has not been restful in any way) and food allergies have flared up big time. So needless to say, I have regrets with my workouts (or lack of workouts) since April.
Along with workouts, I’ve been struggling with nutrition. I stopped using a nutrition coach earlier this year and have been trying to find a healthy balance since. Recently I’ve found a way of eating that fits my lifestyle. It’s all about macros. If it fits your macros, you can eat it. If not, then you can’t. It allows enough room for me to eat things that I would think are a “cheat” without it being bad for me. I’ve been much happier eating this way and haven’t had those feelings of guilt and binge after a cheat meal.
Mentally, things have been a struggle as well. Things I thought that I was over were surfacing all of a sudden. I thought that I had dealt with everything way back when I was losing weight… but apparently not.
As I said, things were a little crazy there for a few months. I’m sad that I look back on that time and wish that I put more into my workouts and food plans. But I do know that in life there are ups and downs and as long as I keep pushing forward each day, the downs will pass. I am taking time to reassess my goals and remember the things that really make me happy (like long runs, good healthy food, and Insanity!).
I’m going to start using this blog as a way to find balance between fitness, family, and food. It’ll be a place to get my thoughts out – as jumbled as they might be – and a place where I can share my highs and lows on this fitness lifestyle.
As for now, I am finding a program that will help me get conditioned for Tough Mudder in November. I did Insanity for the first time in months and can I say “OUCH”!! It was super hard and I’m sore already but it felt so good to get all the frustration I’ve been feeling out in the form of calories! I forgot how great Insanity made me feel afterwards! Accomplishment rocks!